Love Is Not Dead !
The internet is buzzing with the break-up of Angelie Jolie and Brad Pitt, and suddenly, everybody is a relationship expert as to whom is at fault. Many are crying out on social media that, “Love is dead.” Since when love is based on a Hollywood romance where these movie stars change their partners faster than the average person changes their cell phones?
Love is not dead, it is just clouded by a culture that defines love as a feeling. Love is not a feeling, it is a choice. It is a choice that married couples in good marriages have to make everyday to stay committed to each other and their marriages. So many couples start out so madly in love and then suddenly they can’t stand the sight of each other. How did these couples go from love to such hatred and bitterness? About half of all marriages in the USA end in divorces, and many of our millennials are choosing to shack-up, instead of getting married.
Children are the ones who suffer the most, and many children are affected even into their adulthood. • Judith Wallerstein did a study and found that the negative impact of family breakup continues well into adulthood. Chip Ingram, Love, Sex and Lasting Relationships explained it best,
“I don’t know if I believe in marriage. I get close to someone, then the same thing happens. I’m scared to death to make a commitment. I don’t know how marriage is supposed to work, but I know I grew up in a family where it didn’t. The models that I had didn’t work, and I’ve got mixed feelings about Mom and Dad. I was two days with one parent and two weeks with the other; summers in one house and school years in another. They kept asking me to choose who I wanted to stay with. Why couldn’t they choose to stay together?”
Married couples have to choose to stay in love. “Low-conflict marriages that end in divorce are very damaging to children, according to Dr. Paul Amato, a sociologist at Penn State University, because “the surprised children have not been aware of the discord. About 55 percent to 60 percent of divorces occur in low-conflict marriages.”
These low-conflict marriages could have been saved, and if there is no abuse, or drugs or alcohol involved, couples should try to save their marriages for they are damaging the most vulnerable of all, their children, and many couples regret getting a divorce. Researchers in England found that 54 per cent of divorcees had second thoughts about whether they had made the right decision, with many missing or still loving their ex-partner. Here is what a divorced dad wrote.
“I would wish to comment on the letter that ran Jan. 2 concerning the weakening of men and children through divorce. Anne Smart-Pearce was the author.
To my great sorrow, I must admit I am a divorced husband and father. Anne speaks of the terrible price that is being paid and then asks, ‘If a mother had an equal fear of losing her children, would she so readily seek a divorce? Or would she do all in her power to avert such a tragic outcome?’
Might I add this, husbands and wives, if there is even one-half of an ounce of friendliness left in your marriage, take each other by the hand, look at each other’s eyes and then remember of the love that brought you together in the first place! Let each other know, somehow, that you are needed, loved and wanted! If you fail, you will reap the whirlwind, especially you, fathers. You will lose all that is important, near and dear to you. And that is your sweet wife, your wonderful children and your home. Oh, that I had been more wise and not let my pride be my downfall. I can tell you with knowledge that a seemingly endless tragedy does await! The mornings do come when you awake, call her name and then realize that you are alone in a house that is ever silent and does not answer back.” (Guy M. Bradley, West Point, Utah, Deseret New)
Couples have to work everyday to stay in love and to choose to love each other. But how can they when our society encourages divorce as the answer? Below are three ways for couples to choose to love:
Choose To Have Date Nights.
Couples need to rekindle their romance by having regular date nights, and it needs to be consistent. Once a week is good, but if that is not possible , once a month is a must. It could be dinner and a movie, or a picnic in the park, or a night out dancing, or taking an art class together, or a walk on the beach. Put it down on your calendar, I Phone, or I Pad, and keep these dates. If you don’t have anyone to babysit the kids, put them to bed early and have a candle light dinner at home. Date nights help you to reconnect with the person that you fell in love with, and keep the spark in your relationships.
Choose To Show Your Appreciation Daily.
So many couples take each other for granted, and see only the negative. Compliments are easy to give, and we should give three or more of these daily to our spouses. Maybe she is a great cook, tell her how much you appreciate her effort in making all those delicious meals. He is a great provider, thank him for taking such great care of you and the children. He has beautiful eyes, let him know that you love his brown eyes. She has an infectious laugh, let her know how much you love hearing her laugh.
Choose To Put Your Spouse First.
Your children, your jobs, your families, your friends, your I-phones or tablets, or social media should not come first before your beloved. You need to have your priorities right, and put your spouses as your number one in your lives. Find time for each other, and don’t let anyone or anything get between the two of you. Some men go home after a hard day at work, and just spend hours relaxing in front of the TV. And some women are so fixated on their kids, that they don’t give their husbands five minutes of their time. Everyday, find at least 15 to 30 minutes for each other. Find out how was each other’s day, and how your spouse is feeling or thinking. Just like how you have to re-charge your I-Phones everyday or they are not going to work, you have to find time for each for your marriages to stay alive.
Love is a choice, not a feeling, and everyday couples have to make that choice to love each other. Let us know how you keep your love alive in your marriage in our comment sections.
AUTHOR:ROSSANA S MOHAMMED.